Tuesday, Apr 21, 2009

Boys Will Be [Boys]

Today's Lunch Break:
Dude, You've Got Problems

A while back I declared I wanted to phase out cleaning chemicals and instead use vinegar, baking soda, etc. for household cleaners. (This isn't totally related to the LB article, but bear with me for a moment.) Elliott is great at supporting me in what I want to do, so of course he was okay with it (especially after I assured him the house wouldn't constantly smell like pickles). In fact, he recently cleaned the bathroom while I wasn't home and used vinegar, even though other cleaners were in the cabinet. But the first thing Elliott said when I made my announcement was, with a big grin, "We're going to be the hippie family, aren't we?"

And the thing is, I kinda hope so. I hope we're able to avoid enough of the less admirable aspects of our culture that we end up coming across as a little weird. I'm fine with that. But I worry about our kids. I'm okay not being in lockstep with the mainstream, but it can be tougher for a kid.

Now, I'm not hoping my children will be best of friends with the kids getting highlights and bikini waxes at age 10 (don't even get me started), but it's also not my goal to alienate them from their peers. Their lives would be easier and more enjoyable if they weren't mocked every day at school for not being able to identify the 15-years-from-now-equivalent of the Jonas brothers. Or Miley Cirus. Or whoever.

I won't try to make my kids weird, but chances are good they will be, at least a little. Maybe they won't understand all the TV references. Maybe they'll be jealous of their friends' lunchables. Maybe they'll just be a little awkward, due to being my child.

I worry for my future girl(s), but the girl issues I know something about (see bikini waxes at 10). I can identify objectification of women a mile away. I've worked with girls with eating disorders. And, you know, I've been a girl.

Now, back to the LB article. It's my future boy(s) that have me really worried.

"Boy culture" is being heard loud and clear: to be something other than the narrowest, stupidest sort of guy's guy, is to be unworthy of even being alive.

The article talks about boys whose offenses are doing well in school, liking bright clothes, or enjoying books and as a result, are taunted mercilessly.

It's weird, isn't it, that in an age in which the definition of acceptable girlhood has expanded, so that desirable femininity now encompasses school success and athleticism, the bounds of boyhood have remained so tightly constrained?

Chances are our boys won't fit the mold. And they'll be brilliant and successful and happy...if they can just make it through middle school.